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Everyone deserves to be with a partner who respects, admires, and cares for them. However, life isn’t a fairytale. Some people are unfortunate enough to get stuck in relationships that leave them scarred. Both emotionally, psychologically, and physically. It’s only after getting out of them that they start to move on. And a big part of that means starting to go out with other people.
Redditor u/Nineteen_ninety_ opened up to the r/pettyrevenge online community about how she ended up dating someone her awful ex-husband had genuinely admired. Read on for the story in full, as well as to see how the internet reacted. Bored Panda reached out to the author, u/Nineteen_ninety_, and she was kind enough to answer our questions.
Moving on and dating new people after an awful relationship can be very exciting
Image credits: Marcus Neto (Not the actual photo)
After divorcing her toxic husband, one woman shared how she went out with someone her ex really admired
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Image credits: René Ranisch (Not the actual photo)
The author later revealed some sensitive details about how despicable her ex had been
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Image credits: Nineteen_ninety_
“Go to family or friends or a professional who can give you some true perspective on the situation because when you’re abused, you’re rarely objective”
We asked the author of the viral story about what her ex’s reaction was like when he found out she went out with his idol.
According to u/Nineteen_ninety, he simply said, “Oh. That’s Cool…” However, that was just the tip of the iceberg.
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“Then, I got a flood of drunken messages asking if I wanted to hook up. He was having a baby with another girl at the time. I told him absolutely not and to stop texting me things like that,” she revealed to Bored Panda.
We were curious to get the OP’s thoughts about how someone can tell if they’re compatible with another person. “I think time is what lets you know if you’re truly compatible. And life experience doesn’t hurt,” she said.
“I got married way too young but I’ve course corrected since then and am now with a wonderful partner.”
Redditor u/Nineteen_ninety also had some advice to share with anyone who has found themselves in an abusive relationship, but might be scared of leaving their partner.
“First things first, realize that abuse builds. Don’t try and make excuses for the abuser. Go to family or friends or a professional who can give you some true perspective on the situation because when you’re abused, you’re rarely objective,” she said.
“Make sure before any decisions are made that you have a really strong net of support behind you.”
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (Not the actual photo)
Abuse isn’t just physical. It can range from emotional to financial, too
Psychology Today explains that abuse can take many different forms. Probably the most easily recognizable is physical and can involve hitting, kicking, pulling hair, pushing, grabbing, blocking exits, and destroying property and precious objects (e.g., family heirlooms).
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Emotional abuse involves threats, mind games, and name-calling. Sexual abuse involves assault, pressure, and also threats. Neglect means that someone withholds their affection or attention.
Financial abuse, while not something that many people might initially consider, is also a very important factor with far-reaching consequences.
Some examples of it include putting someone in debt, closing their bank accounts without their consent, and giving them an allowance. The latter infantilizes someone, essentially making them dependent on their partner.
Image credits: Diego San (Not the actual photo)
Many women are taught from an early age to make relationships work at any cost to themselves
Deborah J. Cohan, Ph.D., a professor of Sociology at the University of South Carolina-Beaufort, explains that girls and women are socialized to maintain relationships, almost at any cost.
“That’s what good girls and women are taught to do: create relationships and make them work. So, it is a particularly cruel irony that at the time a woman is most vulnerable, in an abusive relationship, we ask: ‘Why does she stay, why doesn’t she leave?’ But in actuality, she has done what good women are taught to do—she has conformed, maybe overly so, to societal standards,” she writes.
According to her, people might stay in abusive relationships due to fear, love, kids, money, health, threats, their religious upbringing, and a number of other factors. A lot depends on each particular situation.
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Image credits: Liza Summer (Not the actual photo)
It is absolutely vital to reach out for help anywhere that you can
The very first step in breaking the cycle of abuse is to acknowledge that there is one. Abusive behavior is rarely an isolated incident: it is often a pattern that gets repeated over and over again.
Verywell Mind urges people who are victims of abuse not to suffer in silence and to ask for help from their family and friends, as well as to reach out to a therapist or a lawyer.
Meanwhile, there are many resources that can help, which you can find on the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence’s website if you live in the US.
The internet came out in support after reading the rollercoaster ride of a tale
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However, some folks had a slightly different opinion about what happened
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